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2007

27

Jun

I am – Daisy Fuentes Bikini Pictures of the Day

I know that none of you really care about Daisy Fuentes, she was hot in the late 80s and early 90s being on a lot of obscure shit like MTV Latino and in magazine spreads shit. She was considered some hot piece of ass for the era. Then in the late 90s she got to hosting America’s Funniest People and emotionally ate herself into disaster that lead her into all kinds of informercials for some Pilates bullshit but I could be wrong because I don’t have a TV. I had no idea that she was in her 40s, so I guess that means she’s lookin’ good for her age, eating pizza and drinking champagne making all her cuban brothers watch in jealousy as they eat their rationed bread and build rafts out of tires to make their own way to Miami to live a similar dream thanks to Daisy for paving the way for them….

I once had a Cuban hooker but you don’t want to hear my stories about communism. So I’ll just stick to the Daisy Fuentes Bikini Pictures.

Posted in:Bikini|Daisy Fuentes|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

25

Jun

I am – Brooke Hogan is Trash of the Day

1 Comment »

So it turns out that Brooke Hogan got fake tits. I figured that was the next step for her and you can tell by the scar in the armpit and from the fact that her tits are bigger than they were before. I when this slut was just a small breasted fat chick with a dream and now she’s pretty much no better than the whores I dream about getting lap dances from in my local strip clubs. The reason I call them whores is because they let you grab their tits for money and if you don’t have money they really want nothing to do with you and that would piss me off if I was lookin for love, but I am not, so I can handle the fact that they walk off pissed off when I tell them I have no money after making them chat me up for an hour. It’s actually one of the only things I find joy in these days. Because if I was a stripper I wouldn’t be working the loser in the corner who has been nursing one beer for the last 5 hours while wearing joggin’ pants….but I guess strippers aren’t known to be geniuses at least not at the places I go to.

The one thing that drives me crazy about strippers these days is their stupid legwarmers. The only reason I am posting these pictures is because of her fucking stupid pants. I got issues with these things and I see them everywhere I go. I don’t find them hot, I don’t care that a bitch is walking around with her ass hanging out and her legs covered up, I like full nudity or half nudity, but not no nudity, just annoying glimpses at what could be, from behind of retarded pants that distract me from wanting to see her naked because I am too focused on wondering what the fuck bitch is wearing.

I don’t care that Brooke Hogan thinks being sexy is being a stripper, it’s a pretty general mentality. A lot of girls and strippers think being a stripper is sexy and they all take notes from each other, making all girls run the same tricks. I go to fucking strip clubs all the time so I guess I partially feel the same way, but I like to believe the real reason I go to strip clubs is to try to figure out what drove these whores into becoming whores. What kind of daddy issues, broken homes, poverty and addiction did they face to resort to making a lot more money than they would working the checkout counter at the supermarket an to see some naked chicks, but not to be seduced by stuidity.

Either way, Brooke Hogan has access to money, comes from a big house with big cars and a big father, but for some reason she’s following her whore mother’s footsteps and taking this shit to the stage, big fake titties and semi-nudity, the only problem is that cunt isn’t showing her cunt and that to me is a waste of a stripper or someone who is so obviously inspired by strippers but is too pussy to take it to the level needed making her nothing but a failure to me…at least SHE’S been consistent on her quest to the pole….

2007

25

Jun

I am – Christina Aguilera at a Press Conference in China With Her Big Ol’ Tits of the Day

2 Comments »

I was out of town all weekend, like Christina Aguilera, only she was in China promoting something with her fat pregnant tits and I was up in the woods with no internet connection.

It’s called a low cost family vacation and what you do is hitch a ride up to the country with your neighbor and set up a tent he provides in the backyard of the shitty trailer park camp ground he’s been going to for the last 25 years and spend 2 days drinking his beer and eating his potato chips but the most important thing is to leave your fat wife at home and not tell her where you are going because she’s fat and wouldn’t fit in the tent, or be able to bend down and crawl in, but also becaue she is annoying and would constantly want me to babysit her while I want to do other things like sleep all day, try to spy on other campers all night in hopes of listening to them bang.

I always hated camping, even though it was cheap. I just found the whole concept stupid and I like beds more than sleeping on the ground in the woods getting eating by mosquitoes. But I guess as time goes on you realize that being at one with nature while drinking free booze and watching young french girls in bikinis is a hell of a lot better than sitting at your shitbox apartment eating ground beef.

When I was a kid, I was sent to some bible camp by my “foster/adoptive” parents in texas. The fucking thing was a week of Jesus but on the second night there, I snuck out to wander the grounds and shit, I came across 2 of the councillors, who were probably 16 or 17 going at each other like rabid raccoons, bitch was sprawled on all fours and dude was slammin her like it was an order from god. He was committed to her shit, and I sat and watched as it was my first time seeing people bang and I was loving it. The rest of the week, when dudes told me to be good or filled me up with that religious propaganda I knew that they, like me, were full of shit….

I guess all these camping stories kinda suck, but so does the fact that Christina Aguilera is married and knocked up to some dude who may not be much of a looker, but is more successful than you’ll ever be, so I guess you can shit on him all you want or just accept that she is a wallet fucker and start earning for your chance in. Good news is that she doesn’t use condoms….

2007

25

Jun

I am – Christina Aguilera at a Press Conference in China With Her Big Ol' Tits of the Day

2 Comments »

I was out of town all weekend, like Christina Aguilera, only she was in China promoting something with her fat pregnant tits and I was up in the woods with no internet connection.

It’s called a low cost family vacation and what you do is hitch a ride up to the country with your neighbor and set up a tent he provides in the backyard of the shitty trailer park camp ground he’s been going to for the last 25 years and spend 2 days drinking his beer and eating his potato chips but the most important thing is to leave your fat wife at home and not tell her where you are going because she’s fat and wouldn’t fit in the tent, or be able to bend down and crawl in, but also becaue she is annoying and would constantly want me to babysit her while I want to do other things like sleep all day, try to spy on other campers all night in hopes of listening to them bang.

I always hated camping, even though it was cheap. I just found the whole concept stupid and I like beds more than sleeping on the ground in the woods getting eating by mosquitoes. But I guess as time goes on you realize that being at one with nature while drinking free booze and watching young french girls in bikinis is a hell of a lot better than sitting at your shitbox apartment eating ground beef.

When I was a kid, I was sent to some bible camp by my “foster/adoptive” parents in texas. The fucking thing was a week of Jesus but on the second night there, I snuck out to wander the grounds and shit, I came across 2 of the councillors, who were probably 16 or 17 going at each other like rabid raccoons, bitch was sprawled on all fours and dude was slammin her like it was an order from god. He was committed to her shit, and I sat and watched as it was my first time seeing people bang and I was loving it. The rest of the week, when dudes told me to be good or filled me up with that religious propaganda I knew that they, like me, were full of shit….

I guess all these camping stories kinda suck, but so does the fact that Christina Aguilera is married and knocked up to some dude who may not be much of a looker, but is more successful than you’ll ever be, so I guess you can shit on him all you want or just accept that she is a wallet fucker and start earning for your chance in. Good news is that she doesn’t use condoms….

2007

21

Jun

I am – Jennifer Garner Paddle Surfing of the Day

106 Comments »

These are some pictures of Jennifer Garner doing something that I’ve never heard of before but I am not really well versed in celebrity beach activities. It’s called paddle surfing and it sounds as stupid as it looks, I don’t really understand why you’d want to be Tom Sawyering when you could be on a Yacht or canoe or if you wanted the rafting experience, you could hire some Native Hawaiian dude to do the paddling for you because you’re rich. But I think the bigger issues is why you need lessons in this “sport” because shit looks pretty fucking straight up. It’d be like taking lessons in floating in the pool on some blow up toy.

I don’t like this bitch, I never did. I don’t think she’s hot and I think Ben Affleck got stuck with her because bitch told him she was on the pill or some shit, forcing him to shotgun marry her and live this bullshit family life, because it was the responsible thing to do. You know waking up everyday telling himself that there’s new fresh pussy that wants his dick, while staring at her post pregnancy ass but realizing that he has to stick it out with this bitch, even though she only landed him by not being honest because it’s the right thing to do. I guess I could be wrong, but that’s the only way I’d end up with her and I’m pretty poor, desperate and a straight up disaster….

I like that this bitch is staying fit and wish that I had that kind of drive, but I am one of those guys that feels that watching girls work out or fuck around in bathing suit bottoms is exercise.

I woke up today feeling like I had raped myself up the ass with a liposuction vacuum set on blow not suck. I know feeling fat is supposed to be a chick thing but I got drunk last night snuck into a gas station at 4 am and stole a ton of shitty gas station food and ate it all. That may not sound like a big deal to some of you obese American readers who do that everynight, but I don’t want to turn into my wife and more importantly my sweat pants are starting to be a little snug, and not in a good way. In case you missed that joke, because it sucked, I was talking about my dick because getting hard in sweatpants is always offensive but welcomed when you haven’t been hard in what seems like years.

Either way, look at the fucking pictures and leave me alone. I am hung over or still drunk. I haven’t figured it out yet.

2007

20

Jun

I am â€“ Pam Anderson Breasts Do Magic of the Day

135 Comments »

So here are some pictures of Pam Anderson and her retarded magician friend on the TODAY Show performing their act. His biggest magic trick is foolin us into thinking that Pam Anderson still has a career after Hepatitis.. Proving that a career based on big tits does have staying power, even though, this shitty gig is less status than being a Price is Right girl, itâ€™s almost as bad as working the local car show, but sheâ€™s doing it in a one piece bathing suit and thatâ€™s good enough for me because lookin at her obscenely huge cans and weird discolored rash/scar/birthmark reminds me of what dreams are made of.

I am posting a post that a girl sent into me. I wasnâ€™t going to post it but she bribed me with pussy pictures of herself and I am all about box shots. So hereâ€™s her post on some cunt named Scott Baio and his new reality TV show that no one will watch. The tie in is that he slammed Pam Anderson.

I am – Beating a Dead Horse Named Scott Baio with My Clit Ring of the Day

I don’t know about you, but when I used to turn on the TV to watch some music videos, you’d turn on MTV or VH1. That line of thinking is apparently wrong. VH1 has decided that Scott Baio would be their newest edition to the already overpopulated laundry list of shitty reality TV shows starting in July. Chaci is now 45 years old and single. The difference between you and Baio is that he didn’t have to jerk it to Pam Anderson, he actually got to fuck her (pre-tit job) and they were once engaged. Baio lost his virginity to Erin Moran, his co-star on Happy Days, fucked Charles in Charge and future Baywatch babe, Nicole Eggert. Denise Richards and Heather Locklear have both slept with Baio as well as Brooke Shields. Even Liza Minnelli wanted his sperm. Weird. Erika Eleniak, Nicolette Sheridan, Beverly D’Angelo and Natalie Raitano have all been slammed by the native New Yorker along with countless other playmates. Chaci has been a staple at the Playboy mansion for the last few decades. The only thing you could possibly relate to in Baio’s reality is that he’s forty-five and single and if you’re not there yet, you will be.

During the show, Scott Baio is 45â€¦ And Single!, Baio asks the question, “How can I have been with some of the hottest women in Hollywood and still be single?” Well, probably because boinking all those sluts left his dick looking like it went through a meat grinder and sprinkled with parsley. Next year,Scott Baio is 46â€¦ And Dead!

Unfortunately this post reads like a fucking wikipedia entry, and this bitch has more business writing press releases for VH1 than she does for me. It didnâ€™t make me laugh but I have been known to be a bit of a joke snob, not because I think I am the funniest motherfucker out there, but because itâ€™s hard to make a broken bird laugh. At least thatâ€™s my theory as to why I find every obvious joke I read offensive.

On the positive side of things, it does prove the things I will do for pussy. I am pretty fucking easy, some would call me a whore, others call me a creep but above everything, I am a pervert.

2007

20

Jun

I am – Pam Anderson Breasts Do Magic of the Day

No Comments »

So here are some pictures of Pam Anderson and her retarded magician friend on the TODAY Show performing their act. His biggest magic trick is foolin us into thinking that Pam Anderson still has a career after Hepatitis.. Proving that a career based on big tits does have staying power, even though, this shitty gig is less status than being a Price is Right girl, it’s almost as bad as working the local car show, but she’s doing it in a one piece bathing suit and that’s good enough for me because lookin at her obscenely huge cans and weird discolored rash/scar/birthmark reminds me of what dreams are made of.

I am posting a post that a girl sent into me. I wasn’t going to post it but she bribed me with pussy pictures of herself and I am all about box shots. So here’s her post on some cunt named Scott Baio and his new reality TV show that no one will watch. The tie in is that he slammed Pam Anderson.

I am – Beating a Dead Horse Named Scott Baio with My Clit Ring of the Day

I don’t know about you, but when I used to turn on the TV to watch some music videos, you’d turn on MTV or VH1. That line of thinking is apparently wrong. VH1 has decided that Scott Baio would be their newest edition to the already overpopulated laundry list of shitty reality TV shows starting in July. Chaci is now 45 years old and single. The difference between you and Baio is that he didn’t have to jerk it to Pam Anderson, he actually got to fuck her (pre-tit job) and they were once engaged. Baio lost his virginity to Erin Moran, his co-star on Happy Days, fucked Charles in Charge and future Baywatch babe, Nicole Eggert. Denise Richards and Heather Locklear have both slept with Baio as well as Brooke Shields. Even Liza Minnelli wanted his sperm. Weird. Erika Eleniak, Nicolette Sheridan, Beverly D’Angelo and Natalie Raitano have all been slammed by the native New Yorker along with countless other playmates. Chaci has been a staple at the Playboy mansion for the last few decades. The only thing you could possibly relate to in Baio’s reality is that he’s forty-five and single and if you’re not there yet, you will be.

During the show, Scott Baio is 45… And Single!, Baio asks the question, “How can I have been with some of the hottest women in Hollywood and still be single?” Well, probably because boinking all those sluts left his dick looking like it went through a meat grinder and sprinkled with parsley. Next year,Scott Baio is 46… And Dead!

Unfortunately this post reads like a fucking wikipedia entry, and this bitch has more business writing press releases for VH1 than she does for me. It didn’t make me laugh but I have been known to be a bit of a joke snob, not because I think I am the funniest motherfucker out there, but because it’s hard to make a broken bird laugh. At least that’s my theory as to why I find every obvious joke I read offensive.

On the positive side of things, it does prove the things I will do for pussy. I am pretty fucking easy, some would call me a whore, others call me a creep but above everything, I am a pervert.

2007

20

Jun

I am – Jessica Biel in a Bikini for GQ of the Day

98 Comments »

I don’t usually bother with magazine pictures because they are doctored, boring and taken by professionals. I also don’t get as excited as I do when I rip off pictures taken by immigrant’s with cameras trying to live the dream by taking pictures of famous people doing everyday things, like walking their dogs, working out, walking the red carpet, eating, nipple slipping, see through dressing, but these Jessica Biel in a bikini pictures were worth doing because she looks worth a fuck for a change.

I rip into her for being built like a dude, with her broad shoulders and sturdy frame that could probably hurt me if she decided to come after me when she finds me hiding under her bed when I become more ambitious at getting the hottest content on the site, which won’t happen because I am lazy, but I was just saying.

She’s addicted to working out, she probably doesn’t have a cock, but that doesn’t mean bitch isn’t a top and if she does, the thing was photoshopped out, so I guess that’s the benefit of these professional pictures, it allows you to get off to a man, without thinking you’re getting off to a man, and means you’re not as gay as your friends think you are for always trying to get them to show you their dicks.

I once knew a football player who told me that you’re not a real man until you’ve had a dick in your mouth. He said that if you suck a guy off and don’t get turned on in the process that it is the best test of your comfort in your sexuality. I don’t really agree, to me the second you’ve got your buddy’s load dripping down the back of your throat, whether you got off or not, you’re a fucking ‘mo.

2007

20

Jun

I am – Toastee From Flavor of Love Sex Tape of the Day

1 Comment »

Some dude just asked me to sing the song Lip Gloss by Lil’ Mama to him over the phone. I don’t know what that song is or what motherfucker was implying when he wrote that to me, but I can only assume it was gay.

I also got an email about some whore named Toastee who is in some new celebrity sex tape video from Vivid, because Vivid is hooked on releasing celebrity sex tapes, even when the people are half rate celebrities. She was on some show called Flavor of Love, that I have heard of, but have never seen, but I don’t think that qualifies her as being a celebrity or having a celebrity sex tape. She’s just a girl with a dream of living the life and the only way for her talentless self to live the dream is by fucking on camera. It’s called being a fucking pornstar and girls have been exploiting themselves for money forever, because let’s face it, if you have no self respect it’s a pretty fucking easy job.

I watched the trailer, took some screenshots to show you pretty much all you’re going to see in it and I don’t really think this bitch deserves a post, I kinda hate all these reality TV stars who thought being on TV would make them famous and are now trying to find ways to stay in the limelight by showing their cunts. Not that Flavor of Love was a big deal or could really count as making anyone famous, but these bitches are clearly idiots dying for attention that even if you threw them up on public access they’d think they were Paris Hilton.

I shouldn’t be so hard on her though, because if all girls were like Toastee, I’d have a lot of content to work with, but I’d also hate every girl out there for being a whore, and I’d probably take Lip Gloss boy up on his offer, if you know what I mean. Thank god it hasn’t come to that. Cuddles.

Check Out the Trailer and Official Site
GO

2007

19

Jun

I am – Katie Holmes Bathing Suit Pictures of the Day

6 Comments »

I hate posting tagged images, but since I can’t find these anywhere and have no budget to buy the rights to use pictures and even if I did have the budget to buy the rights to use pictures I doubt I would pay because I think paparazzi are scummy pieces of shit who exploit people and I don’t scummy pieces of shit who exploit people financially.

Either way, this is Katie Holmes on the beach somewhere with her daughter that she had with Tom Cruise. The whole scientology thing and his whole insanity thing doesn’t really bother me as much as the gay rumors. Living in Montreal, I’ve met many gay dudes over the years whether it be one of my friend’s wive’s hairdresser or just some random washed up fags in the places I drink who all have the same story about this fucker in the 90s. It goes a little something like this. Tom Cruise would fly into the city on a private jet, discreetly make his way to the gay village in the city and have sex with little french boys for days at a time. I have no real proof to back this shit up, because I wasn’t one of those little french gay boys and I don’t know anyone who directly stuffed this fucker like a turkey, but I do know that the story is always told the same by everyone who ever brings it up.

That said, here’s the vagina he had sex with at least once rockin’ a one piece because she knows that no one wants to see her post pregnancy ravaged stomach or the proof that there was no pregnancy at all, and that her 9 months were just a series of pregnant bitch costumes. They say she’s pregnant again but it doesn’t look like it in these pics. That’s pretty much all I have to say about that.

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