Scout Willis is Bruce’s 14 year old tramp-in-training of a daughter. Her dad’s slamming Lohan, her mom’s slamming Ashton Kutcher, making her future potential step-parents, equally washed-up “it” celebrities of yesteryear. If you’re asking yourself why I dropped the word yesteryear, I don’t blame you, it’s a gay fucking word that should be re-issued in day-to-day conversation, because nowadays everyone’s a fucking faggot. Now, looking at Scout Willis, one can predict a future teenage-film career, thanks nepotism, you can also predict future abortions, STD tests and cocaine binges. Bitch is already rocking lingerie for an outfit and a pair of Frye Boots, and we know only sluts wear Frye.

I when I was down in Arkansas on business, and I use the term business loosely, I say a whole lot of Cowboy hookers rockin’ Frye. They told me they worked the farm scene by day…apparantly that meant the milked cows and got fucked by horses….

Ok, so I am lying, I have never been in Arkansas, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a loser for reading this.

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So those fuckers at google are at it again, now with IM. If you want to talk directly with me this shit at Google Talk and add me.

My gmail is: drunkenstepfather@gmail.com

I look forward to having IM wars and cybersex with you….if I like you enough, I will make you famous, bitch

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The T-shirt of the day is from a pretty obvious place, but keeping up with my old school strategy of trying to piss you, the reader off – I am just not gonna tell you…The reason I like this shirt is not cuz it’s hard, and makes people think you’re crazy suicidal and pedophilic while you rock it, I like this shirt because it reminds me of my childhood. Yes, I am that little girl on a swing, and that man hanging himself is my dad, he hates me because I cost too much money to raise. The pressure of putting food on the table while buying me all the frilly dresses at the local market is just too much for him to take…the pressure of raising a little princess on a peasant’s budget would drive any man crazy…you see that’s what I thought my whole life, I was convinced he did it because I was too expensive, and blamed myself, until I realized that he did it cuz my mommy was fucking his brother and father behind his back.

Did you like that story. It was all a lie. But the t-shirt’s hot…it it.

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I know the rumor on the street was that this bitch didn’t have a pussy, and was built a little more like Denzel Washington than most of you jiggy hip hop kids would like to it….you know that kind of girl you hook up with late at night after a night of drinking, who looks banging from the front with tits like “this” and slammin’ from the back with a booty you could use as a bookshelf..only to realize that once bitch is done sucking you off she pulls out her dick and says “my turn. These pics don’t prove shit, all we know is that Ciara doesn’t maintain her junk, cuz bitch has a little cabbage patch on the left side, yeah that’s the crip side.

Word.

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The beauty of drugs is that they help you feel good, when the whole world is against you. The problem with drugs is that sometimes your emotions take a hit and forgetting your problems becomes impossible…no matter how many lines you cut, you just feel worse and worse, eventually breaking down and crying for all to see. Something like this happened to Lohan recently. She was out partying and all of a sudden, she cracked, broke into tears, and we’ve go the pictures. I hate to speculate what her real problems are, I know it’s got nothing to do with paying the mortgage, or daddy not lending her the car for the night, I think it’s got more to do with the herpes she’s hooked up and the fact that she’s gotta tell the guy she’s about to bring home that she’s got an outbreak. I guess there could be other issues like a serious lack of acceptance by the general public, maybe the love of her life Wilmer “herpes patient zero” was making out with some other 17 year old slag…I guess the list is endless, but I will guarantee all her problems are menial compared to yours. I the last time I cried while high. I was watching Bambi and that scene where they kill the mother was just too hard to deal with…maybe it’s because I never knew my mother, she was too busy sucking dick for money to breast feed me.

Thanks mom!

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Brooke Burke modifies her bikini by putting the straps on so that she doesn’t get a tan line. The last time I modified something of my own is when I took a pair of jeans and turned them into a slamming pair of cut-offs, I looked incredible when the apples of bottom were exposed for all to see, the only mistake I made was that they were my only pair of pants and was forced to rock them in situations deemed inappropriate, like my court hearing. I still got off, I think the judge liked what I was packing, and I became huge in the local gay scene. I got nothing but love for people who take it upon themselves to design their own clothes to better suit their bodies. I would do it again if I could afford a pair of scissors!

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I personally hate bloggers, but I won’t lie, the assholes at TheSuperficial have made me laugh before, and I never laugh, so they are doing something right. I don’t know if you but I was guest editor at Fleshbot for a week, so I think it would only be appropriate for my blogging career to take on celeb gossip, since I have already tackled sex.

I am asking that you, my sole surving reader since I got lazy and everyone else got AIDS, email these fucks at TheSuperficial.com, and tell them that I am the only writer for the job.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE FOR JESUS

With Love, From,

Jesus Martinez
Your DrunkenStepfather

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It’s nice when people swim topless, especially when drunk. It reminds me of a bad teen movie on prom night, not that I have ever seen teen movies, I can’t really afford a TV. I was lucky enough to see this bitch surf in Blue Crush, only because they were playing it on my bus to Canada. I can say that Michelle Rodriguez, a fellow Mexican knows how to show a party at the Shore Club Skybar just what it takes to be famous, and that is no fear towards showing your tits and a capacity to suck a lot of producer cock. Not that I would really know, it’s been years since my last audition, but I can only assume this is a major defining factor in why she is a B-Lister and not working as a chamber maid. I didn’t say that cuz she’s mexican, I said that cuz she’s a girl – so fuck you for calling me a racist.

In all honesty, I have no idea if this is even her.

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So Demi Moore like to fuck young dudes who are at the height of their careers, she likes to cock block and ruin their chances of getting any pussy they want, she does it with her experienced twat and her tight body. Bitch, must know what she’s doing cuz you know any girl who’s out there would love to fuck Ashton, he was an underwear model you know. That’s not the point of this, because I am not here to question why people are together, love is beautiful and you need to embrace that shit when you find it, like I did, only instead of love I did it for citizenship, which is really one in the same….we all have our alterior motives, like Ashton’s prolly trying to make his move on “fox” or whatever the fuck Demi’s 14 year old is named….Like every good celebrity, dirty Demi did some naughty pics for a french magazine called Oui, that means yes, I know because I am culture, asshole. These pics are vintage, like a fine wine, you can tell by bitch’s nasty bush..that shits making it’s way down to her ankles. I assume this was done in between movies, when she was launching her career…RESPECT cuz we all gots to eat…

Gallery Here

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So Demi Moore like to fuck young dudes who are at the height of their careers, she likes to cock block and ruin their chances of getting any pussy they want, she does it with her experienced twat and her tight body. Bitch, must know what she’s doing cuz you know any girl who’s out there would love to fuck Ashton, he was an underwear model you know. That’s not the point of this, because I am not here to question why people are together, love is beautiful and you need to embrace that shit when you find it, like I did, only instead of love I did it for citizenship, which is really one in the same….we all have our alterior motives, like Ashton’s prolly trying to make his move on “fox” or whatever the fuck Demi’s 14 year old is named….Like every good celebrity, dirty Demi did some naughty pics for a french magazine called Oui, that means yes, I know because I am culture, asshole. These pics are vintage, like a fine wine, you can tell by bitch’s nasty bush..that shits making it’s way down to her ankles. I assume this was done in between movies, when she was launching her career…RESPECT cuz we all gots to eat…

Gallery Here

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